Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
