2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My hand turned me down
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
