so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
