remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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