I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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