Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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