I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
