I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
