I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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