I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
