i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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