I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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