idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
