we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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