You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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