loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
