I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
