and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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