hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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