Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
