Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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