So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
