I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
