Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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