i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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