Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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