Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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