Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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