How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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