If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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