Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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