Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
