Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
