even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
