He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
