Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
