If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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