Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
