does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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