OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
