dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's blow job season.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
