I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
