so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
