i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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