I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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