..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
