Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
