Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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