i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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