My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
