I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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