Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
someone owes me an orgasm
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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