yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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