someone get that fucking seahorse.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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