There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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