she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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