Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
