I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
