It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
