Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize