Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
