Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
