You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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