Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
