I CAN MOONWALK!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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