if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think people are normalizing furries
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
