First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
