At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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