i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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