the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
