Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
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You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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