Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
