If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone