i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic