OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart