I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?