You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.