i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea