3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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