She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
