so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
