My pussy is not your playground.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I came so hard my ears popped.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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