I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
