somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
