Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
