I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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