I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
