you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
