I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
