dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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