Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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