the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
