I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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