If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
