MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
