I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
