ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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