dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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