Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
