I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
