I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
